Feeling okay tonight. I found myself able to open my mouth and talk to people, which has been a problem before. I'm attributing part of it to the prozac, but I've been at this dosage for almost two months, so that can't be the only factor. Maybe it just comes in waves, and I'll be feeling crappy again next week. But it could be a sign that I'm getting better. Wouldn't that be nice? To be comfortable with normal human interaction. Get a job, a girlfriend... Why didn't I do this sooner?
I actually know why. I hated to admit that I needed help. Not that I really thought I needed help back then... I was content to sit alone in my room. And even if I wasn't, was it worth it to get help with something? That would be like admitting that I couldn't do it myself, and resigning myself to getting help whenever I needed to do it. And who's to say help would always be available?
God, what an idiot I was. One person isn't supposed to be able to do everything. Human beings are a social species. They live in groups. They're designed to depend on each other. I have my things that I'm good at, you have your things that you're good at, and we can help each other when we need it. That's how it should be. I just have to get integrated into a social network and start taking advantage of that.
Well, not just. I have some things I need to work on. Being more open, for one. And I'm making a concious effort to do the eye-contact thing now. Be less shy, talk to people, develop social skills. Not too horribly difficult, I don't think. A long road, but I'll get there.