Out of Character

Published on March 15, 2006 By PJ_ In Personal Relationships

It looks like JoeUser came back up some time in the last minute or so. Good timing; now I can post the entry I wrote last night. (You should still check out Galactic Civilizations II. It's an awesome game.)

I'm back. Here at RIT again. It feels kind of good to be on campus
again. Of course, I'm not actually living on campus this time, but
still.

I met with Patrick today. At the counseling center. Almost a year
since I was last on campus. He asked if I was planning to call anyone
up to maybe hang out/reconnect now that I'm back. I said I might. So
he asked why I might not. There were two fears I had in mind. That I
might call at a bad time was one. That one's kind of irrational; I
can probably get over that. That's what the prozac is for. Mostly it
was because I didn't know what to say. I didn't have anything
particular I wanted to do. I just kind of want to touch base, you
know?

So Patrick said, "What wrong with just saying it like that?" I have
this thing about wanting to get things right the first time, which is
something I have to get over since you can't exactly script a
conversation in advance. Whatever Patrick said, it made sense, so I
decided that after I was done with classes for the day I would call
someone up and maybe hang out or something.

But then when I was about to call I was thinking, what do I
say? In general, I mean. I ask him if he's doing anything tonight,
and he probably doing something. So he tells me what he's
doing, and then what? "Can I come do that, too?" Lame. Am I
supposed to invite myself along to things any time I crave social
interaction?

And there's another thing. Why do I have to call? Seriously,
if this is a normal thing that people do, then why does no one ever
call me up just to hang out? That's happened twice that I can
remember. I can think of a third example if I go back to 6th grade.
This is my fourth year in college.

Bah. Maybe I'm thinking about this too much. But what am I supposed
to do? One time a few weeks ago when I was on co-op I felt like going
to see a movie. I asked the other co-op working there, "Have you seen
Final Destination 3?" "Yes I have," he said. Well, there goes
my whole plan. I was totally stumped. "Oh. Well, I was thinking of
going to see it this weekend. Is it any good?" I suppose I could
have asked about another movie, but there wasn't another one I wanted
to see. Well, there was Underworld 2 (disappointing) but... I don't
know. I knew I wanted to see it, but I didn't know if I was going to
like it, didn't know if he had seen the first one... I don't know,
there must have been a reason.

I don't know. Everything I want to do seems awkward. Our of place;
out of character. Is this something that normal people do? Are
people going to think it's strange for me to do this? Whatever it is;
I'm not even sure what I'm talking about anymore.

Alright, enough for tonight. I should get to bed; I have real classes tomorrow.

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